What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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