just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
