whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
