He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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