Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
