ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
