Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
