This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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