I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
His hands were made for my vagina.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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