How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
When did angry sex become our thing?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
