your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
