we're chasing vodka with high fives
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
