it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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