Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
