I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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