I can text with my tongue
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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