I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
His hands were made for my vagina.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
