did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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