i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
