Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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