Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
