I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize