The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
