Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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