I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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