The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We left the knife in your bed.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
