How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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