Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize