Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
