and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
