Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
