She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
