My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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