I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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