just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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