Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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