Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
