What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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