She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
