You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
my shit smells like andre
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
