That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
