i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
how drunk are you?
Several
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
