Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
