I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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