If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
