If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
