He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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