It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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