Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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