Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
