just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
