My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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