Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize