bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
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