Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So much Jack, so little girl.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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