I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
