I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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