It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
