OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
