dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
do herpes really smell.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
