and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
