Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
