Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize