Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
