then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize