tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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