Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
