i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
