Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
