This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
