I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
