Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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