At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
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