I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
