I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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