My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
