I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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