You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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