the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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