I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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