I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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