i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
