I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize