and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
