apparently the secret to your success is patron
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
