sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
