I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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