My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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