You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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