ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
