I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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