I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
someone owes me an orgasm
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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