Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
farters have to be the big spoon...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
