I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
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