I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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