Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
