don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
we made out on top of his cat.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
