I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
