how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
