proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Houston, we have a squirter
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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