Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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