You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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