I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
