i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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